i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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