Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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