Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
