I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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