The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
