Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
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