I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
