If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
