Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Alive.
So much puke
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
