I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize