More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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