they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
