my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
