this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
