I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
