what day is it and did you see me today?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
