Me. At least after what I've been through.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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