if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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