You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Randomize
