i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
one might say we're banned from that church
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
