i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
