I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
