I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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