I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
