; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
