Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
