yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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