Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
