he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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