hell yes lets make some ravioli
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
