she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I wear drunk well.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
