no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
