hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize