My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
