im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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