PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
