after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
