Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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