can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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