I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
