Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
