I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Randomize
