She's JV to your varsity
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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