To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Randomize
