yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
