I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
