at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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