Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
