And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i came on her dog
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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