Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
