RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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