is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
