i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
