Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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