I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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