I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
