my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
