How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
