We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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