Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
