Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
