whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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