I cockslap morals
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
