where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
