the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
