she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
this boner is exhausting
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
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