Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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